“What do you want?”… you would think that it should be easy to answer this question. In my experience, uncovering and declaring the answer to this question can be both troublesome and freeing. For most people, it is much easier to identify all the things that you do not want in your life. And that’s okay. Because, if you then take it one step further, it can be enlightening. It may sound counterintuitive, but being able to identify what you do not want will shed light on what you do want.
When you experience something unwanted, you become very aware of its presence in your life. It brings about feelings of physical and emotional uneasiness. In your attempt to avoid the unwelcomed experience, your body tightens and you feel tension throughout. Emotionally, you experience a variety of undesirable feelings that you would rather not have. The more you try to unburden yourself, the more obvious the problem becomes. The reason why you have such a negative reaction to what you do not want is because it is highlighting what you really do want but do not yet have.
Nobody ever wants to feel bad or uncomfortable, but becoming painfully aware of what is not wanted brings you to a clearer understanding of what you do want. Often, not liking something brings about a negative feeling and we actually feel bad about not wanting whatever triggered the reaction. For instance, maybe you hate your job but everybody around you continues to remind you that it is a good job that you should be happy with. So you end up feeling guilty or ashamed for not appreciating what others say is good for us, and you feel obligated to stay or to give it the “college try”. But we do ourselves a disservice when we try to force ourselves to like something that we really do not want. When we do something that is not aligned with who we are everything can start to feel like an unrewarding struggle. There is a reason why we are drawn to certain things and not to others. Our preferences are unique to each of us and are aligned with who we truly are.
It is easy to get frustrated when things do not go as planned, but these moments of disappointment can also become opportunities that reveal your true desires. When contrast shows up in your life you have the choice to use it to get clarity on what is wanted or you can resist it. When you choose the former and you shift your focus from what you are lacking to how it would feel to have what you want, your energy starts to change. Your resistance to the contrast starts to lighten and a better feeling is created as you allow yourself to feel desire. When you are tuned into the energy of desire, your focus is placed on what you want to bring into your life rather than what you want to rid yourself of.
None of us enjoy feeling bad or overwhelmed by the things or experiences we don’t want. However, if you don’t fully appreciate how much you do not want something in the first place, you may never realize what it is that you deeply desire.
The next time you find yourself in a bad mood and really not liking the situation that you’re in you can do one of two things. You can focus on how frustrated and unhappy you are or you can use this as an opportunity to examine what you really do want. This simple shift of focus will change your energy and lighten up your mood.
“Sometimes, becoming painfully aware of what you no longer need or want sparks your soul’s desire.” (Dr. Julie)
Copyright Dr. Julie Doobay 2015