The Child that Grew Up Too Fast

Do you remember a time, when you were a child, where life was only about playing? A time where your soul wanted nothing more than to have everyone else share in the thrill of running, moving, singing and making noise? Your gift to share was your laughter and joy.

If you don’t remember, you’re not alone. This time does not last very long since most of us learn very quickly that adults do not often find these gifts to be particularly joyous. Very early in life, little children learn that the world does not work the way their souls know that it should. They learn that life is not about expressing your passion through movement and vocalization. It is about behaving, being quiet and doing what makes adults happy.

Typically, what happens is that a young child is trying to show his or her love and appreciation to his or her parents by singing and dancing. The parents, being insensitive, impatient, embarrassed, irritable or grouchy, yell at their child to shut up and sit still. The child, vivacious and innocent, is traumatized by the fact that the people who love him or her the most in the world could be so mean. As a result, the child restricts movement, ceases vocalization and does not behave or share his or her gift as his or her soul would like.

In order to feel accepted, even loved, the poor child has to grow up and be like an adult far too soon. But he or she remains cowering and hurt somewhere inside, silenced and shackled in tension. In time, this person does physically grow up, yet part of him or her still contains this scared and hurt child. Wherever within we chose to shelter and protect our inner child, this part of our body now feels stuck, tight and locked; as it must be in order to suppress the movement and voice of a playful little child.

As a grown up, you may no longer think of your hurt inner child. Instead, you may notice the restriction, pain or symptoms of a stuck area in your body. Perhaps you perceive limitations or rigidity in your thoughts, mindset and subsequent choices. There may be times where you know that you are not being true to yourself, or are behaving in ways that are not good for you. You may have, at times, felt alone and helpless. Maybe you’ve observed that such emotions and mindsets correspond to a specific location in your body that feels inflexible, knotted or constricted. You probably sought help or treatment to relieve this stuck and restricted part of your body.

What it comes down to is that the child that had to grow up too fast is still stuck inside you, buried under all the energy that it took to tie him or her down. The physical restriction you once created in order to feel accepted and safe, now makes you feel physically stuck. Indeed, your perspectives and behaviours today are often based on what other people once told you that you needed to do to be good. But the reality is that, in doing this, you have not been true to yourself. No matter what you do, no matter what you try, it always comes back to the fact that part of you is still stuck, and nothing seems to work. You may even know that you have something to do with it, but you simply don’t know what else to do.

This is how we get stuck in patterns as adults. The wounding of the inner child creates the energy of Stage 3 (of the “12 Stages of Healing”).

At the beginning of Stage 3, we become aware of the persistently restricted part(s) of our body. We learn to recognize and acknowledge that in our body, our patterns, our outlook and our lives, we are stuck. Finally, through apologizing and offering to pay more attention to the hurt inner child, we free up the stuck energy and gain the resources to begin moving forward.

The little child gets over it in about two seconds and runs off to play. The analytical adult, with this new realization of our personal involvement in the state of our lives, now reaches a pivotal point at the end of Stage 3—which also happens to be the transition point between the Seasons of Discover and Transform. Specifically, we have a critical choice to make in our healing and life. We can look for someone to blame or a way to fix the part of ourselves that we now know is stuck; in which case, we remain in Discover. Alternatively, we can move into the season of Transform with a decision, not to try to fix it, but rather, to take action by setting a new standard for our lives.

Wouldn’t life be nice if it was lived through the expression of the dreams and insight of the playful inner child?