How Perfectionism Ruins Your Life

I know not everyone suffers from this, but many of us do. We actually think it is a strength that we care so much to make things perfect. Sometimes we brag about it, but basically, nothing is ever good enough. And in the end, perfectionism makes our lives miserable.

We all have expectations of how we would like things to be. Some of us dream up some truly elaborate and unrealistic fantasies about how life is supposed to look or unfold. We are also often presented with life situations that do not measure up. Problems arise. The key is in how we react to the gap between how things are and how we think things could and should be.

Perfectionists want everything in their lives to meet the expectations they have in their heads right away. It does not matter how unrealistic the gap is between what they have and what they expect. If their current situation does not match the picture in their heads, they feel like they are failing.

Now can you imagine what this does to their ability to enjoy the moment? When everything is being measured against some unrealistic fantasy in their heads they inevitably come up short. They can’t appreciate any gains they have made. Even if today’s accomplishment is far better than yesterday’s it is not celebrated because they failed to reach the fantasy.

It does not matter if people point out how good a job they have done or how valuable they are. Perfectionists often cannot see the value that they add to their lives and the lives of others. While everyone else can see this, perfectionists trudge forth trying,in vain, to achieve the unachievable and not having any fun doing it. This can continue to spiral downward as they begin to question their self worth. Self-esteem gets involved because it is really hard to continually feel like a failure. So they try to convince people that their quest for perfection is a good thing because they need to find some reason to feel good about themselves.

Pretty bleak, eh? So how do we stop this downward spiral? Most importantly, if it does happen, it is vital that we recognize it. Often we don’t know why we feel down. We just get there somehow. If we can see that this chain of events is happening to us and we can stop it, we definitely want to jump in.

The fact of the matter is that we all have strengths. While we rarely focus on them when we are down, we would feel much more powerful if we pulled them out. We also have upward spirals when we are really successful at creating something good. If we concentrate on the things we are good at and look at what we can do to make things better than they were yesterday, we can make some progress. When we make things a bit better every day, we can create great things.

Expectation is one of the major causes of low self esteem. If you know your expectations are unrealistic, admit it. Start to measure the gains you make in closing the gap between where you are and that fantasy in your head. Re-visit the articles: “Making Your Dreams Come True”, and “Don’t let perfectionism ruin your life”. Celebrate every gain you make and enjoy every step in the process!