The language we use when we talk about things we are about to do can really affect the way we feel about what we are about to embark upon. When we find ourselves feeling obligated, that we have no choice or no alternate options, it is time to look at what we are saying to ourselves and others. Ensuring that the words "I want to," "I choose to," or "I get to" make it into our statements will completely change our relationship to the task or event in which we are about to participate.
More often than not, we begin our statements with "I have to," "I need to," or "I should" do something. We are usually quite unaware of the language we are using. Bringing our attention to it can reveal a lot as to why we may feel like we have a lack of options, a sense of obligation or no choice in the matter.
What does it feel like to have no choice or options? Nobody likes being obligated to do something and having no choice can make you feel backed into a corner. Feelings of anger and resentment are common and a lack of motivation can ensue. This can cause stress, anxiety and burnout.
Let's look at each statement individually. Does the statement "I have to do something" suggest that you made the decision to do it? No. "Having to" implies that someone else is requiring you to act and that you have no choice. What about the statement, "I need to do something?" Is the option of not doing it available? No. "Need" implies necessity and consequences in not doing it. Finally, let's consider the statement, "I should do something." How will you feel if you don't do something you should do? Guilty perhaps? "Should" implies a sense of moral obligation that will leave you with bad feelings for even considering not doing it.
Now we will consider the meanings of "wanting to," "getting to," and "choosing to." Wanting to do something implies a desire to partake in the activity. Think of the emotions that are involved when you have a desire. We tend to get excited, enthusiastic and energized. Similarly, getting to do something implies that you have the privilege of doing it. It is a choice that was offered to you. It is something earned that not everyone gets. Could this make you feel important, respected or honored? And choosing to do something means that you thought about what you are doing and made a decision to do it because it was in your best interest. It means that you considered the choice of not doing it and decided that there are reasons that this would be beneficial to you. You may not like what you chose to do but you are doing it because you are anticipating the positive effects doing it will have on you.
So start listening to your talk. Catch yourself saying, "I have to," "need to," or "should." Observe the energy of the statement you made using those words. Restate your sentence with, "I want to," "get to," or "choose to," and see how the energy of the statement changes. Exchanging those words allows you to make more empowering statements about the things you are going to do. Do this and watch your emotional state become positive and energized. You will be amazed!
